Thursday, September 24, 2015

Dear Baby...

 We've been together 13.5 weeks, you and I.
You are now the size of a peach, about three inches long.
Your tiny bones are still forming and your vocal cords are under construction.
The thought of hearing your voice for the very first time gives me chills up my spine!
I can't help but to daydream about all the conversations we will someday have.

The past few weeks floods of thoughts and feelings have rushed through me.
It's like a tornado of emotions.
One moment I'm calm, cool, and collected.
The next, my mind is spinning out of control.
I'm ashamed to admit that a few of my outburst and tears have been out of vanity.
There hasn't been a day go by that I'm not grateful to have you growing inside.
Trust me on this.  I am so very thankful.
However, coming to terms with the new shape of my body has been a little...hard.
I didn't really feel pregnant...and I didn't quite look pregnant.
Finding jeans that I could button and tops that didn't feel snug was becoming an everyday battle.

But then...when you were 11.5 weeks old, we saw you!
We saw your little heart beating.
We saw you waving your tiny little hands and kicking your tiny little feet.
I needed that moment.
I needed that validation.
There you were safe in my tummy after all the prayers and all the tears...
I think my heart grew three sizes that day.

In a few short days we will get to see you again!
Oh, your momma and daddy are so excited!
We will find out if you are a little she or a little he!
What will you be?!
The suspense is about your drive your momma insane!
Your daddy thinks you are a girl!
Some days I agree with him.  Others, my heart tells me different.
I had a dream, just last night...and you were the cutest little boy I'd ever seen.
Actually, this is now my fourth dream about you being a boy.
You had the prettiest eyes, a perfect smile, and gorgeous blonde hair.
You were wearing the cutest pair of blue jeans and you were running around in the yard with your big brother. heart...I just don't know if it can take it!
The tears...I can feel them coming again.
Actually, it might be another mini flood heading my way.

The love that I already feel for you is overwhelming.
I just don't ever want to miss a second of your life.
The fear of not being able to protect you could just swallow me whole.
Every night, I try to hand it all over.
He knows my momma heart.
He hears my prayers...
I have to remember that before you were were His.

All my love,
Your Momma

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