Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Dear Baby...

How has it been 38 weeks already?
Actually, some days I feel as if I've been carrying you with me forever.
Others, it seems like only yesterday that I was staring at two little pink lines.
I've been told that it's not possible, but I always worry that I'm going to squish you in the middle of the night by rolling over on my tummy.  You are getting really big lately.  Actually, this week you are the size of a swiss chard.  Your daddy and I giggled at this because we have no idea what that is.  Regardless, I'm sure in the grand scheme of this whole thing, your life and all, that you being about the size of a tiny lap dog is nothing.  But still, when I wake up I always try to get you to stir so that I know you are alright and then I tell you that I love you.
I know there will be things that I won't be able to recall about this pregnancy, and truthfully I hope it's part of the pain that comes in the end, but I want to remember the way your small foot feels pressing against my hand.  I want to remember how when I press and poke on my tummy, 9 times out of 10 you respond back with a kick or a nudge.  This is the only way we've been able to communicate so far and it's the first way I knew you.
We went to the doctor this past Friday.  You are happy and content with where you are at this moment, but the fact is...you could be here at any time now.  I think about what it will be like to kiss your skin and see your eyes...and to hear your cry.  There is no way for me to comprehend what that will be like.  I get really emotional thinking about it.
Not knowing exactly when you'll decide to live life on the outside has left me a little anxious.  That is a lie...  I am a lot anxious.  How many days or hours do we have left?  Will it be during the day or at night?  Have I packed everything we will need in the hospital for our first few days together?  I think your brother can sense that our lives are about to change soon.  He doesn't let me out of his sight and he follows me everywhere.
Unless God has other ideas, our doctors have a plan in place this coming Sunday for us to finally meet face to face.  Our good family friend, Terri, pointed out to me that Sunday is the first day of Spring, and to her it's the season of rebirth and new beginnings.  What an appropriate time for you to make your much anticipated debut!  Although I'm a ball of nerves, it is pretty exciting to know that at this time next week your daddy and I will have finally met one of our favorite people we will ever know!  I have been waiting for you all of my life.  Your daddy and I both have.  We can't believe you're almost here.
All my love,
Your Momma
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