"Judith, sometimes your heart is too big..." ...That should be a compliment, right?!
However, in this case - it wasn't.
They were words that certainly meant well, being said to me as I sat in tears...
Tears that fell because my feelings were hurt,
tears that fell because my mind was overwhelmed,
and tears that fell because I couldn't understand how people can be so mean...
My heart was hurting.
A hurt and broken heart has got to one of the worst feelings in the world.
It can feel down right gut wrenching at times...
Like many others...it is a feeling that I am no stranger to.
I'm no angel and I certainly do not walk on water...
But, I try - I try really hard to be a good person.
To be a good friend.
To encourage and build others up.
To help anyone (or animal, for that matter) that may need it - to the best of my ability.
To not be so quick to judge and accuse.
To have manners and show respect.
So, when I feel that I haven't been treated the same way in return - naturally, it hurts.
Sometimes I can brush it off...and at others, it gets the best of me.
Sometimes I can forgive and forget...and at others, I can't.
When something or someone turns my smile upside down,
I usually ask myself this question:
"In five years, will this still matter?"
...And a lot of times - no, it won't.
I've mentioned the day to day "crises" before - the ones you shed a few tears over, maybe kick and scream a little, and then you put on your "big girl panties" and get over it...
But...no one ever really tells you how to deal with the "something or someone"
that will still matter after tomorrow...
How to deal with unfair judgment, unjustified bashing, and inexcusable hatred...
How do deal with being "stabbed" in the back & "slapped" in the face...by people you trusted...
People you'd take a bullet for...
How to deal with being so let down, disappointed, and just plain...HURT.
Life doesn't come with a magic erase button...although, how nifty would that be?!
A button that with a single click would allow you to undo, backspace, and delete
whatever or whoever you choose...
Poof, gone, disappeared, erased from your memory completely.
...And sure, in most cases, removing yourself from the situation or "deleting" those people from your life is the obvious answer... But, there are also many cases where that isn't an option and is much easier said than done...
I read this quote a long time ago and it has stuck with me:
"Should you find yourself the victim of other peoples
bitterness, ignorance, smallness, or insecurities,
remember this - you could be one of them!"
Sad, but true.
I know and most certainly believe that there is something to be learned from every situation we face, every curve ball thrown, and from every person who does us wrong...
Perhaps...sometimes it takes being on the receiving end of the judgment
to fully realize the impacts it can have...to help us fully realize that
we don't want to make anyone else feel that way - ever.
I'd much rather have a heart too big and that cares more than it should at times...than to not.
You live and learn, I suppose...
Yes, much disappointment and hurt comes with the territory...
But, I also know that having a big heart isn't always a bad thing!