Tuesday, May 21, 2013

My Confessions...

I sometimes wonder who would be at my funeral...
I sometimes wonder what life would be like if Eve hadn't eaten the apple.

I hate - I mean, I really REALLY hate the expression "FML"... 
People should think about what it implies...  No matter how bad things are (or you think they are), there is most definitely someone else out there far worse off than you...
I wish I had more to offer the world.
I care (sometimes too much) about what others think.
I sometimes wish I could go back in time and know then what I know now...
On the list of my pet peeves are people who say, "I have no regrets," as if having them is such a terrible thing...  Really?!  There isn't one little thing you would have done differently?!  Everyone has regrets; it's living in the past and constantly laboring over what you would have done differently that's the problem.  So, yeah, I have regrets...
I regret not studying harder in school.
I regret not going away to college and getting a bachelor's degree.
I regret trusting some not-so-trustworthy people.
I regret not writing down or recording the stories that my grandparents used to tell.
I regret bottling up some of my feelings.
I regret falling hard for the someone who taught me what it feels like to "get played."
I regret all the time I wasted being upset over the someone.
I regret letting the negative opinions of others get me down.
I regret loaning money to someone who will never pay me back.
I regret not having my best friends in my wedding.
Those are just a few that come to mind in a split second.  Trust me - there are many more... 
But, with each regret I've learned something valuable - either a lesson...or about myself. 
One guarantee about the entire human race is this - we're going to mess up. 
Our perfect intentions will fall short.  Our perfect efforts won't quite achieve. 
Our bad decisions may come back to bite us.  That's life... 
We are imperfect beings - point blank.
I strive to lead by example.  I know there are times that I fail.
I acknowledge that I don't have all the answers.  Not even close.
I've made plenty of mistakes, had pitfalls, and learned many lessons the hard way.
Hitting rock bottom changed my life - it changed me.
It opened my eyes to a whole new world.
A world that I'm trying to find the words to share.
Because, I know that in the midst of it all - tragedy doesn't define you.
How you choose to live does...
Because, I know that life is a journey.
Full of ups and downs, twists and turns.
Full of decisions. 
Because, I know my journey, my life - is, has been, and will be...full of joy and struggle.
Because, I know that I'm trying my best to find my way.

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