I've sat here for what feels like forever, trying to find the words, but even now, words mostly won't come...and they certainly don't come easy...
Today marks four years since Jordan's accident.
Four years...
How can it be that long already? How can it be that short?
Strange how it seems like a lifetime ago, and yet it seems like just yesterday, all at the same time.
June 14th, 2009 is engraved in my brain. The days that followed are still so vivid.
I find myself shoving feelings down - pushing them back through the cracks when they threaten to spill out.
Like right now. I feel like my insides, my heart...could explode.
I'm fighting the tears with every ounce of strength I have in me.
Memories flit across my mind. Flashbacks haunt me.
I remember the phone call.
I remember listening to the devastating news.
I remember not understanding what I was hearing.
I remember hitting the floor like a ton of bricks.
I remember crying like I'd never cried before.
I remember praying and begging God to spare Jordan's life.
I remember feeling completely and utterly helpless.
To relive it is gut-wrenching...
and I'm all out of words...
I understand your feelings completely. I have lived them. Twice.
ReplyDeleteThe pain lessens over time, memories get a little foggier, but the heart always remembers. The beautiful thing is that God gives you someone (or several someones if you're lucky) that fills the void in the way that only they can. My biggest blessing came from my biggest loss. ♥